Category Archives: Psychology

It’s all in the Mind

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People are inclined to learn a set of beliefs that in turn would be our basis for decision making. These are usually used unconsciously, and before the person knows it, it already has an effect on his subsequent decisions. However, the downside is when the person is conditioned to have a negative response to a situation.

This is the reason why Albert Ellis introduced the ABCDE model. Basically, the model consists of a series of techniques to help a person condition or re-condition the mind for better rational thinking and decision making.

The ABCDE model stands for:

A – Activating the event

B – Beliefs

C – Consequence

D – Dispute

E – Exercise

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Activating event (example: someone whispers, looks at you and laughs)
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Further explaining, the A (Activating the event) simply refers to any situation that a person goes through. It can be anything that happens: a situation from school or work, something a person says against another, or even something within the mind of the person (an idea, a feeling, a memory…)

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And in line with the event, the B (Beliefs) comes in. this is where emotions play their role. The event will be the one to activate the belief, which will usually come in the “voices” (or the shoulder angel or devils, as they call it.) in this stage, we question our values and opinions because of the event.

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Consequence: It all points out to how you wil react to a situation
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Next is the C (Consequence). Now, depending on how the person responds to his belief, then the consequence could be positive or negative. This is usually the manifestation of the emotions being built up on the Belief stage. The person will get angry and lash out, or get concerned and talk to the persons involved, or be embarrassed and walk away etc.

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D (Dispute). Now, this is where the “rational thinking” is being done. Suppose the person decides to keep his “consequence” to himself first and rethink about how he will react. What he is actually doing is “disputing” with his beliefs and collecting enough evidence to counter his irrational thoughts. “What if my boss is not actually angry at me, but just tired?”, “What if my teacher just wants me to get better, that’s why he gave a hard exam?”

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And last is the E (Exercise). Conditioning the mind is but an easy task, but not an impossible one. If a person will just learn to filter out which of his thoughts are beneficial against those which are not, then he would be able to develop rational and objective thinking. Once his mind gets used to the new way of thinking, then it is with no doubt that decision making will be more objective rather than subjective.

 Sources: The ABCDE Model; The ABC Model


I Did It!

            Nobody wants to fail.

            That’s a fact. Nobody would want anyone to see that they haven’t made the most out of what they had. For us, being successful does not only enable stability, but it also serves as a way to enhance self-confidence – to show people that despite the rocky road, you did it.


             Hearing this word, majority would immediately conjure up images of money and fame. However, that is just a narrow glimpse as to what it is for it is not just limited to something tangible. Success could be in the form of being a good father of the family; being able to get high grades in school; being able to impress your boss and the list could go on. This only shows that in its simplest form: success is the achievement of goals planned and worked for.  

            While this word is quite commonly heard, it can be quite puzzling to know as to why some people do not achieve it, while people their age are already reaping a good harvest of their chosen paths. What sets these kinds of people apart?

            Many books about success have already been published, but in a nutshell, the ingredients to success could be summed up in 3 small words:

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            Can this be love? Of course not. Though this word is closely related to it, passion is not just something that is born between relationships. It can also be defined as a strong desire – a strong motivation that pushes someone to do something.

            You have to love what you do. You have to appreciate what you have before you can move on to the next step. Most successful people have this desire because it is what will push them to continue on pursuing their goals. Because: MOST SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE LOVE WHAT THEY DO.

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            Nothing is born just within a day. People who are serious about their goals do not just dive into something whilst unprepared. Otherwise, it would spell disaster for them because goals without plans are simply dreams. People take days, months or even years of preparation because it is not just the success they have to prepare for, they have to watch out for the rocky roads as well. So if you want to be successful: BE PREPARED. (Double meaning intended.)


            Too many don’t realize their goals just because of the fact that they gave up.  The famous inventor, Thomas Edison once said, “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

            This is one of the hurdles that you would have to watch out for. Somewhere in the middle, you are bound to get tired – whether because of physical or emotional fatigue, or because of situations, or because of negative people around us. That’s normal. But, when such a time comes, it would be helpful to remember why, in the first place, you began. People are not defined by the number of goals they started. They are defined by the number of goals they finished. Press on. Prove those who pull you down that they are wrong. Prove to yourself that you can do it. 

            May the time come when you would look back on the day that started it all. And with a smile on your face, you declare, “I did it!”

Source: The 3 P’s of Success

It’s Sort of… But It Really is Always.

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Humans are born each with a set of talents and abilities unique to others. Some could do well with music; some with academics; some with an innate ability to get along well with other people. Whatever the abilities are, one thing is sure: we are never born without them.

This is how God had designed us.

In answer to this fact, of course, there can be no denying that leadership ability is one of them. There are some people who are just naturally “born” with the air of authority and “stubbornness” a typical leader possesses. Take children for example. Studies had shown: children who are “hard to rein in” or more appropriately: strong willed, are most likely to be leaders in the future.

Though this raises the question of: how about the “milder” ones? If they were born opposite from the strong-willed ones, are they bound to be followers their whole lives?

This is where I would like to point out my stand regarding the widely disputed question (and I believe this would go along with the majority). Though born with unique attributes, we all nevertheless had been given equal chances in life. In simple words: if others can do it, then so can I.  

With respect to leadership issues, though it is helpful to have the ability, the learning and training are arguably more important because there is no shortcut in anything. When we say “leaders are made” it only means that a process is being undertaken in order to become effective. Everything we do is a process, not essentially of leadership, but a process to learn new things.

How do I say so?

The famous speaker and Christian author, John Maxwell, has published in his book 21 laws that would define leadership. Though some could be interpreted as a law possessed by inborn leaders, there are some laws which would reinforce my stand.

The first one is the 7th law:


            People naturally follow those stronger than themselves. Even natural leaders tend to fall in behind those who they sense have higher “leadership quotient” than themselves.

Respect is defined as:

a feeling or attitude of admiration and deference toward somebody or something

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We cannot give what we do not have. And this is the reason why I chose this law. Respect is something that we pick up on the way. And if we adapt this character, it’s more likely that people would see us in a good light too. Respect is not something people are born with. It’s something that we LEARN.

Convinced yet?

If not, then let me show my second proof: 21st law:


            A leader’s lasting value is measured by succession. “Leadership is the one thing you can’t delegate. You either exercise it – or abdicate it.”

Legacy. Big word!

Legacy is known as something we leave behind. No, not material things, but something more imprinting – an attitude, a character BUILT OF TIME. Building a legacy is not something done overnight. it is something that is only given when the person had learnt enough things – satisfying enough to be passed down to the next successors.

And to further drive my point, I present to you, the 3rd law:


From the title of the law itself, it seemed that I don’t need to say anything more.

It states that:

          Leadership is learned over time. And it can be learned. People skills, emotional strength, vision,  momentum and timing are all areas that can and should be learned. Leaders are always learners.  



While it may be important to have the innate abilities in leadership, certainly nothing could be greater than learning. While a leader is sort of born with the ability, it is with no doubt that leaders are ALWAYS made. All things can be learned, and with this comes leadership. Don’t hesitate to put yourself to the test because it’s not wrong to pursue this character. After all, leadership is God’s will for all of us. =)

          Deuteronomy 8: 13

          “The LORD will make you the head, not the tail.”

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